The first guest post if from Catherine who writes at BabyGenie .
My memories of being a new mummy
“What if I don’t want him when we get home?’ I said to my husband a few hours after the birth of our son.
His mind flitted between my wellbeing and what the coming days and weeks may hold.
I had an ok labour – pretty standard, tearful, painful, resulting epidural, forceps and then the birth of a healthy happy boy.
Like all mums, those early days were a little roller coaster. On reflection, here is the auto pilot route I took.
A moment of panic as I saw a foot bent back the wrong way as our son was born, the delirium leaving me thinking of a baby penguin – a flipper*.
A moment of self doubt that I actually wanted to be a mum which thankfully cleared after a little sleep.
A moment of pure emotion when my dad ran towards me, not our newborn son, and kissed me – beaming with a look of pride that might burst from within him.
A wince of pure desperation as the physical pain pierced in to another day and left me unable to enjoy my new baby.
A morning of pure madness, throwing drop scones into a pan, rocking the bouncer with one foot, determined to arrive at a brunch party having prepared something home made with my four week old son.
A broken laptop, screaming baby and inconsolable mummy after trying to settle my child with white noise downloaded from the internet.
Handmade thank you cards sent out within a matter of moments of receiving a gift, just to prove a point.
Nights of playing Soduko on my phone whilst breast feeding; longing to feel that ‘incredible bonding’ feeling that never came.
But, more than anything, an overwhelming, heart stopping feeling of pure gratefulness that I was a mum. I was washing clothes that said I love my mummy on them. A change bag had replaced my handbag. I knew if it was a hungry cry or a tired cry. The baby was being passed back to me when he became unsettled. That baby was mine. And I did love him – and now, I love him more than I ever knew possible.
Thank you so much for that lovely guest post Catherine.