The Soundtrack To My Week

Its been a strange week this week, lots of highs and lows.


This video cheered me up no end on Tuesday after my bad new, I hope you enjoy....


Sue Sylvester from Glee doing Madonna's Vogue

I'm Scared

I’m scared I’m a bad mother

I’m scared I’ll turn into mine

I’m scared people with laugh

I’m scared they won’t read it

I’m scared I won’t reach my full potential

I’m scared I already have

I’m scared you won’t love me forever

I’m scared you will

I’m scared I’m not enough

I’m scared I’m too much

I’m scared I’ll fail

I’m scared I’ll succeed


I'm scared to be heard
I'm scared I'll be ignored

I’m scared to try

I’m scared what will happen if I don’t

I’m scared I’ll disappoint you

I’m scared I all ready do

I’m scared to let go

I’m scared if I don’t let go what will happen

I’m scared I will always be bitter

I’m scared to forgive

I’m scared that you might leave me

I’m scared that I won’t stay

I’m scared to cry

I’m scared to laugh

I’m scared of what might be inside me

I’m scared I can’t let it out

I’m scared every minute of every day. 

This was written for Josie's Writing Workshop, I choose prompt 5. Pick an emotion that best represents your state of mind right now and write creatively on that theme.

Portrait

This weeks theme on the Gallery is Portrait, this was really hard.


I haven't had time to take a picture and its hard finding a picture of BG I haven't already shared with you guys. There is a gorgeous one of BG and my dad but he's not keen on his picture being on my blog, so here is one of me.


You may have seen this if you follow me on Twitter as its my current avatar. It was taken on my first girls night out after BG was born and yes I'm wearing a tiara. 

NM X 

Gutted

This wasn't the post I was planning for today, I was finally getting around to the meme's I had been tagged to do, however it all changed this afternoon.


Me and BG went to the park after lunch and when we got back there was a message on the answer phone. It was from the local college to say my Creative Writing course I should have been starting on Thursday has been cancelled due to lack of interest.


I'm completely and utterly gutted. 


NM X 

Conversations With a 16 Month Old.

BG has learnt a new word, guess what it is....


Me: BG can you get down from there please?
BG: No


Me: BG stop throwing sand please
BG: No


Me: BG would you like some lunch BG?
BG: No


Me: BG would you like cheese or ham?
BG: No


Me: Is it bath time?
BG: No (as she climbs the stairs to the bathroom)


Me: Can mummy have a kiss?
BG: No


Me: Would you like a biscuit?
BG:No
Me: More for mummy then 


Can't understand where she's learnt that word from *ahem*


I really have to find another way of asking her to stop doing something and not shout NO at her. 


Bad Mummy!


NM X 

The Soundtrack To My Week

BG is feeling much better this week so we've managed to get out and about which has been lovely.

The weather has been glorious, so today we will be mainly playing the garden. 

The song I have chosen this week may be weird one for you but it always reminds me of OH.

OH wooed me with his love of music, something we have in common. The big album at the time was by this band and he lent it to me to listen to and I've loved it ever since.

This song was my ring tone for him for ages and this was the first band we went to see together.

The reason I thought of it this week, is that I was remembering all the stupid things he does sometimes, I know I go on about how great he is but he's not perfect. 

On Tuesday I had an horrendous headache and about 8pm I asked him to get me some paracetamol. I was still awake at 2am, yes he had given me ones with caffeine in so I was awake all night!!

This song always brings a smile to may face and makes me want to jump around and dance, so here it is........

Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis 

Enjoy

NM X

Jason Manford Is A Very Nice Man

Yesterday I was having 5 Minutes on twitter Jason Manford the hilarious comedian (he really is), tweeted that he would donate money to the next 10 people's chosen charity.  


I tweeted him my link to my Race For Life sponsorship page and then carried on with BG's tea, well imagine my surprise a little time later when I got an email through to say he had sponsored me £50!!  


So I would just like to say thank you very much Jason Manford  and all the other lovely people that have sponsored me so far, I'm now half way towards my total. 


As I was looking for his tweet this morning I came across this post on his blog, it shows all the people he sponsored and what moved him to donate the money.


Thank you all again 


NM X 

Sssshhhh The Baby Is Sleeping

*whispers* for the past 4 weeks BG has slept through the night, in her own bed (Please don't hurt me)


This has been 9 months in the making and we had to make a big decision to get her to sleep through. We finally bite the bullet and tried controlled crying with her and after one night of it, it worked. It took 20 mins in total and  we have had 12 hours of a sleeping toddler every night since.


I know many people are against Controlled Crying as a technique to get babies to sleep and I understand all the reasons and arguments against it , for us it really was a last resort and I'm am glad we finally did it. 


We we're really spoilt when BG was younger, she dropped her night feeds at 9 weeks and starting sleeping 7 to 7, it was heaven. We felt slightly smug, other friends we knew were desperately trying to sleep train their children and BG did it all by her self. All was perfect until she was about 6 months and she started teething, then she became ill, her sleep routine was ruined and it has taken almost 9 months to get it back on track.


It wasn't just a case of BG waking up in the night and having to get her back to sleep and back into her cot. Once she was awake she wouldn't settle and go back into her cot, every-time she fell asleep  she would wake as yiu laid her back down, so it became easier to take her down stairs and sleep on the sofa with her. BG wouldn't sleep in our bed with us.


It was mainly OH that would get up with her, I am really deep sleeper and once she dropped those night feeds I barely hear her cry (we already know I'm an evil mummy) so OH would get up.


It then become easier to leave her sleep on the sofa at night and not even try and put her in the cot, OH would sleep on the floor next to her, she would wake up at 4am and crawl down for  cuddle. 


I know it sounds completely mental but it worked and we all kinda got some sleep. However after 9 months of this, it was taking a toll on me and OH mentally, physically and for me emotionally. I missed sharing my bed with him and evenings had become quite strained. 


We had allowed BG to get to such a bad routine at home and it was starting to tear us apart. I must also pint out that when BG slept at her nan's she slept through the whole night, it was only at home that she didn't


So 4 weeks ago after BG had spent the night at her Nana's, we put her to bed when she fell asleep at 7pm, she woke at 9pm. OH went up, laid her down, told her it was time to bed and we left her for 5 mins and yes she did scream, he went back up did the same again and we left her 10  mins, he went up a 3rd time and within 5 mins of him coming back down she was asleep and she slept until 7.30 the next day. 


BG now sleeps through the night, we only had to do it once. Its starting to make a huge difference in out life, me and OH are spending quality time together and BG wakes up in a great mood. We go in and get her, she picks up Pooh bear, gives us a kiss and is ready to start the day. The last month has defiantly been good for us. 


I'm not saying this is for everyone, it was a last resort for us and something I'm glad we have now done. 


Its amazing what sleep can do for your family (though I have to get used to OH snoring again)


NM X 

Soundtrack To My Week

This week has been quite productive even with a poorly BG, Its amazing what can achieve in snatched moments of time.


This song I've been listening to all week, actually I'm loving the whole album but this song is the one I've been dancing around like a mad women to this week.................................................


Florence + The Machine - Dog Days





Enjoy

NM X

Gallery - Joy

My first idea for this weeks subject Joy for Tara's Gallery was to take pictures of all the things that give me joy, however with BG being poorly that hasn't happened. So I've put together some old pictures which show Joy.

The first picture is the day BG was born, those tired looks on our faces are actually looks of pure joy.

The second picture is 6 weeks later on BG's first Christmas day, we went out for dinner with both our families and I had my first drink since she was born, I was very happy.

                                        

These photo's are some of my favourite of BG, her face is showing pure joy in each of these photo's and when I see them they fill my heart with joy.

Sorry for going all soppy on you, I'm now off to see to my grumpy, spotty baby.

NM X 

Bad Mummy Moment

BG has Chickenpox, she's covered in sore, red spots. She woke up yesterday with some spots on her neck, so I took a picture and posted it on twitter (obviously), some though it could be chickenpox but it was a bit early to tell. 


Later that afternoon the spots had multiplied, so we took her to the out of hours doctors who confirmed it was Chickenpox, so we went home with a huge supply of calamine. 


No why am I a bad mummy I hear you say? Well, she's probably had it for a few days and I hadn't noticed.
Let me explain, when BG is teething she's get nasty nappy rash. On Friday her bum look a bit sore and there were some spots, I just though it was nappy rash. Turns out there were the chickenpox spots, by the time we went to the doc they had burst, apparently the spots like warm places.


I left the doctors feeling like the worse Mother in the world, there's me slapping on nappy cream and all along she's got the Chickenpox. 


To be honest she doesn't seem to notice the spots, which can only be a good thing. The doctor (who always makes me feel like a neurotic mum) said she may not get itchy as he seems to think its psychological and she's too young to realise. We shall wait and see, she is definitely not herself so lots of cuddles are in order this week.  


I just hope it all clears up soon.


NM X 

Haircuts, Bumps & Bruises and The Soundtrack To My Week

This last week has been jammed packed, so I'd thought I'd give you the highlights.


Last Friday I had my hair cut, short, very short!


This is me before....

and this is me after...

Ignore the double chin!!


At the weekend I had a house full, for the first in a long time I got to cook for my family. My sister, her OH and my 13 year old cousin who was over from Ireland came to stay.


We stuffed ourselves silly on Easter Sunday so on the Monday we took a walk to the park where BG managed to trip and bang her head and nose. She had two bumps on her head and a graze on her nose, she now looks like I've been beating her!


My sister and her OH went back Monday and left my 13 year old cousin here with us. She didn't quite realise how *fun* it is to have a toddler running around, she made the fatal mistake of trying to play on her laptop while BG was awake, BG wanted to help her by closing the top down and pressing the buttons, what a helpful child *snigger*


Tuesday was a lovely day so we went to the seaside and went to the sea life centre, which was loved by all. BG likes the really ugly and dangerous fishes, she saw the Piranha's and went "ahh", any thing with teeth she liked!


We took a walk along the beach and BG collected a stone to take home, do you want to see it?......

Its huge!! Not exactly what we had in mind but we couldn't get it off her...

A good day was had by all, especially as we hot, freshly made doughnuts on the way home.


Me and BG had the house back to ourselves yesterday, so we had the afternoon in the garden, where she tripped hit her head and nose again!! and gave her self a nose bleed. Hugs and chocolate made it better.


It was a lovely Easter for us, BG only got one small egg from me and OH and the rest of the family bought presents or gave us money for her next term of Musical Mini's (yes I am a mean mummy)


So this brings me to the soundtrack of the week, I had a good think about it and choose this..........


We Are Family by Sister Sledge 








Enjoy!! 

NM X

The Gallery - Ugly

The subject this week for The Gallery is Ugly.

When it comes to my looks I don't think I'm ugly, I don't think I'm pretty either, I just think I look like me. 

There are parts of my body that individually I would like to change, I'd like to be taller and thinner but all together I'm happy with the way I am. I learned to like who I was on the outside a long time ago.

However there is one piece of my body that I really hate, they really disgust me and thats my feet....

 I think they are really, really ugly.

My toes are short and fat. my nails are discoloured and they are flat. 

If I could change anything about my body it would be them, why? because I love to wear flip flops in the summer!

I will leave you will some lyrics from one of my favorite songs by Jon Bon Jovi called, well what else? Ugly!

So if you're ugly, I'm ugly too
If you're a nut, then I must be a screw
If you could see yourself the way I do
You'd wish you were as beautiful as you, yeah
I wish I was as beautiful as you 

NM X 

Rejection

I wasn't going to do the writing workshop this week, BG has been poorly and I don't feel great. But I read the prompts again today and this is what I wrote.

Why don’t you love me?

What did I do wrong?

Did I hurt you?

Did I Disappoint you?

Was I not the person you wanted me to be?

Sometimes in the middle of the night I cry for you.

You left me and I still don’t know why.

I loved you, wasn’t that enough?

Your rejection turned me bitter and twisted.

I drank to hide the hurt.

I partied, I danced, but the pain wouldn’t go away.

Now I feel numb.

I try not to think of you and how you left.

It kills me inside to know I wasn’t enough.

I little piece of me died when you rejected me.

You left and I never want you back.

I was inspired by prompt 4. Share a time when you felt a deep sense of rejection.