My Noughties

I thought that this being my last post of the year and the decade that I would write about my Noughties. As I was thinking of the last 10 years of my life (which is a scary thought) I realised that my Noughties fell into three categories, live music, men and my career.

Live Music

I have written in the past about my passion for music, especially live music and I’ve been really really fortunate that I’ve had the opportunity to see some great and some not so great bands/artists in the past 10 years. I’ve been to 9 festivals and countless gig, I did a rough count up and I’ve been to at least 5 gigs a year for the past 10 years which is 50! Which means with the main headlines plus support acts and not to mention the festivals that over 100 possibly 200 bands/artists I’ve seen, that’s amazing.

 I’ve had the chance the travel to the USA and Europe to see bands including being flown the Washington DC to see Bon Jovi for my 21st Birthday in 2001 and a very drunken weekend in Germany to see the Rolling stones and AC/DC for my 23rd Birthday in 2003. (Yeap you guessed it the Noughties was also my 20’s!). Even being pregnant didn’t stop me from gigging and I went to two festivals while very heavily pregnant, though having a baby now makes gigs that little bit harder and I have to really choose carefully who I want to see as I can’t afford to do too many, 2010 brings The Editors, Bon Jovi and V Festival!.

My favourite gig of the Noughties was seeing Pearl Jam at the Astoria in London, the Astoria is a small, dirty, dark venue but is (or was as it no longer exists) the best place to experience live music, I stood 4 rows from the front and stood in awe as they played all my favourite songs!

Men

 The 1st half of my Noughties brought some amazing and some damn right awful relationships for me. I really had terrible taste in men and had my heart broken more than a few times. There were some older men, a toy boy which my friends nicknamed the boy which actually turned out to an apt name for him, there was also a gut who dumped me by text (told you terrible taste in men) and then there was the on/off relationship I’m sure most of you have experienced at some point. This wasn’t a great relationship that went on for almost 5 years and drove to despair most of the time. It was passionate and volatile and I was forced by my best friend on New Years Eve 2005 to promise I would never go back to him again (after he had broken my heart yet again) and I never did.

2006 was the best year for me and it was the year I met and fell in love with OH, we moved in after 5 months and we have never had an argument.

Career
I have spent most of Noughties trying be “someone” and “have it all”, though I’m not that sure even now what that means. I started the Noughties as a barmaid (I was actually working when the clock struck twelve), it was the only job I could do as I didn’t really have any experience and I had quit college so I could work full time to pay the bills. I worked hard and became bar supervisor and promotions manager, which loosely translates as skivvy who puts up posters, but the money was pretty good. I thought for a while I was become a bar manager but the thought of working 60 hours a week really didn’t appeal to me so I went back to college and in my second year went to work at Sainsbury’s as the money and hours were better, though I still did a few shifts in the pub. I spent the next 4 years studying and working my way up in Sainsbury’s I started stacking shelf’s on the night shift, then moved to the checkouts and then store trainer. Two week after finishing my degree and I was promoted to Assistant Personnel and Training Manager at another store, this was to be my downfall and the best thing that was to ever happen to me. I know now that wasn’t ready for the role they gave me, nor was a ready when they made a standalone assistant manager, I was inexperienced but too excited and pig headed to see this. I thought this was my chance to be “someone” to prove myself and move up to HR manager, earn a really good wage and be super happy, I mean that’s how it work doesn’t it? You get qualifications, work hard, move up the career ladder and then find a man, have a family a live happily ever after, “have it all”, right? Er, no! I finally realised that I was struggling and I aske for help and I didn’t get it, so I made a really hard decision and after 5 years with them I left. However it was here i met OH and for that I will be forever grateful. I did some temping at a local manufacturing company and was fortunate to be given permanent contract as a Commercial assistant, this was my second chance to have a career, or so I thought. My mangers was quick to give me extra responsibilities and made promises of development and opportunities, however when I wanted to return part-time after the birth of BG, they couldn’t accommodate part time and I left. So my dreams of becoming “someone” and “having it all” where dashed again. . I don’t know what the next decade will bring most of the time I don’t know what the next week will bring but I’m more relaxed about then I have ever been before.

In 2010 I turn 30 which used to really scare, especially as my friends and family have been keeping a countdown for the last 4 years. I kept thinking I can’t be turning 30 I haven’t achieved what I was supposed to, I haven’t become “someone”, but then a few months ago I realised I hade become “someone” I had become a Mother and that’s the most important job I will ever have and you know what? I'm OK with that.

Have a fantastic New Year

NM X

Boxing Day

What I'm really looking forward to this year is Boxing Day, not because Chrsitmas will be over for another year but because it will just be me, OH and BG all by ourselves!

I am looking forward to Christmas day, I get to see my family, eat great food, drink s little wine and even better I'm not cooking. However there will be a lot of us, my family and OH family are spending the whole day together so they can all be with BG for Christmas. I know that me and OH won't get a look in Christmas day, so we have clamied Boxing Day as our own.

This is what we've got planned.......a whole day of Indiana Jones (still haven't seen the 4th one), maybe a little walk if there is noe snow/rain and for dinner burgers!!

Yes I said burgers, yummy fantastic burgers, with great cheese, fabulous bacon in ciabatta rolls with homemade wedges. Not traditional in any way and thats what I like about it!

Boxing Day will be our little family day and for that I am truly thankful

Merry Christmas

NM X

PS this is my 100th Post!!

The House Of Sick

Actually the House Of Poo would be more appropriate!

We have been really poorly in this house, very nasty tummy bugs. BG is still ill and very very grumpy. Hence the lack of post in the last week and to be honest this may be it for a while. Getting computer time at the moment is really hard with trying to look after a sick baby and organise Christmas (really glad I'm not cooking this year)

I am currently stood in my kitchen typing as BG's sleeps on the sofa (she will not go in her cot) and I cook some pasta before trying to wrap a few presents in the hope she doesn't wake up.

This may be my last post before Christmas, it all depends on BG. So just in case this is my last post I hope you all have a fab Christmas!

NM X

Blogger Love

I really should be writting BG's birthday weekend post but to be honest there is not a lot to say! We went to the Sealife Centre on her birthday, were she spent an enjoyable hour or so pointing at the fishes saying "whats that?" "whats that?" She loved the fishes but wasn't impressed by the Penguins or the Seals

We had a small tea party on the saturday and half the guests cancelled on me! and on the Sunday we had a family party at nana's. BG was suitably spoilt and a lovely time was had by all and that her birthday story.

So I thought I'd spread a little blogger love, which I like to do from time to time.

Firstly the Cumbria Flood Recovery Fund Auction is up and live so please please please go and bid on some items. There are some fantastic lots and all the  money goes to help those affected by the floods.  A big huge thanks and well done goes out to Kat at Bambino Goodies for all her hard work on the auction.

Its competition time over at Soph4Soph so pop over there and enter, the prizes are fab!

I have a new blog for you by Hormonal Mummy so go and give her some love

Also new on the block is Mother Knows Best, which is a collection of posts by parents, all contributions are welcome.

So now I've spread a little love its time for some blatent self promotion!

My Linen At Home webshop Duvet Day is now live so please take a look, there are some great products for christmas on there

I'm running a competiton over at New Mummy's Tips to win 1 of 6 lullaby CD's, please enter its not doing so well :(

And last and not least I am very proud to announce that in the New Year I will be writting a weekly blog for the online parenting magazine Mumstop !!! I'm so excited!! Watch this space for more news.

Have a great weekend

NM X

Wordless Wednesday - BG's Birthday

The Baby

So this is the last part of the story...The Baby

We were taken up to the maternity ward where I was cleaned, dressed and left to rest. BG slept beside me and OH just watched us both.

It was then time to feed BG, as it went well the first time I thought that it would be easy to breastfeed BG but it wasn't at all. BG would latch on suck a few times then come off, she would then start screaming and wouldn't latch back on, after trying a few times, we left it for a while for her to calm down. Now I would just like to say that the midwife's were fantastic I was very fortunate to have a lot of one to one time with them.

Each time we tried to get BG to attach she would scream and scream, then once attached the same again a few sucks then she would stop. When she was attached she made a funny sound and the midwife was concerned so she told the doctors. I tried everything to get BG to attach but she wasn't having any of it, I tried hand expressing so that some would come out and intice her but nothing. I even tried an electric pump so she would at least have some colstrum by syringe even if she wouldn't have it directly from me but nothing came. At one point I had a midwife with my one boob in her hand trying to BG to latch and the electric pump on the other and yet nothing. They explained that because I had lost a lot of blood that it may take a while for the milk to come through.

That night once the visitors had all gone and OH was finally set home, the doctor came to do BG's 6 hour check up and to see about the funny sounds she's been making. The doctor heard a murmur on her heart so she had to spend the evening in the SBU to monitor. I was very very scared and really emotional and in a horrendous amount of pain but I went up there with her. This was not easy and extremly painful to move but they took me up in a wheel chair so I could sit with her for a while. The did some blood tests and hooked her up to a mointor. They tested her oxgyen levels and they had to  check her glucose levels because of the diabetes I had. I stayed with her as long as I could, but I couldn't stand the pain and was so exhuasted so they took me back down to the ward and I gave permission to give a small amount of formula from a syringe as I wasn't producing any milk.

They brought her back to me at 5am and she had slept all night through and when they re checked her heart the murmur had gone and I was so relieved. However she still wouldn't breastfeed, so the routine started again, trying to get her to latch, breast pump on etc etc. Eventually some colstrum came out so she was feed that through a syringe but it was a tiny amount.

On the Sunday they weighed her and she had lost over 10% of her body weight and was becoming jaundice, the doctor put us on a feeding schedule and BG had to be fed every 3 to 4 hours. It was at this point I had to make a decesion do I keep trying to breastfeed in the hope that my milk comes through soon or do I put her on formula. I waited for OH to arrive and we decided to put her on formula, I was really worried about BG she had lost so much weight and was becoming ill, so the plan was to use formula until my milk came through then try breastfeeding again.

The little minx took to the  bottle of formula straight away, no trouble with sucking at all. She was on a the schedule for 24 hours, they re-weighed her and she had put weight on and her glucose levels were good and finally on the Monday afternoon, a week after I had been admitted we were allowed home.

The journey home was very painful, the short walk to the car nearly killed me. My milk also decided to come in on the journey home, by the time I got home I was in pain from the section and though my boobs were going to explode. Now I did the unspeakable when I got home I pumped and dumped, I was in so much pain and nothing was sterilised. I was expecting to be using it so soon and wasn't prepared for bottle feeding, we had to bring home some ready made bottles and we didn't have any formula in.

Now I bet you're asking your self why didn't I just try to breastfeed as my milk will come through, well (and I never told anyone this before) I was scared she wouldn't latch on, I couldn't cope with the rejection. Sounds really stupid I know, but she screamed everytime I tried to latch her on, then if she finally latch she would only suck a few time, but with a bottle she took the whole lot, really easily! It hurt me, it hurt me a lot and I couldn't handle that.

So I expressed for two weeks so she would have breast milk but I never tried breastfeeding again and yes I feel like the worse mum in the world but thats how my brain worked at the time. My milk finally dried up and she went back on to formula. It was hard work expressing constantly but I would have kept going but the milk just went.

It took my ages to accept my decision the stay with formula, I hated being asked the question "are you breastfeeding?", I felt I had to defend my self and would go into the long story of why I'm not breastfeeding my baby. I still feel guiltyto this day that I didn't try again but when I look at my bright, clever, happy baby I don't feel so bad.

The first two weeks were hard for me I really struggled after the section, I found it difficult to move and the pain was quite intense. I am so grateful for the help and support OH gave me, he did all the nights for those weeks so I could rest and sleep and is still the most doting dad. I coudn't imagine our lifes without him.

BG is the most important person in my life and this last year has been amazing. To watch her grow in a walking, talking person is a fantastic experience and I look forward to see what to she has to show me next.

My pregnancy and birth may not have been easy for me but it was definatly worth it!

So to my Baby Girl who is one tomorrow Happy Birthday Mummy loves you very very much xxx

NM X

The Birth

This is the second part to my pregnancy and birth story, if you haven't read the first part The Preganacy click here to read that first.

Ok so I was booked in to be induced 10 days early as they were concerned with the size of the baby. This happened to be a Monday, I spent the whole weekend packing and re-packing my page, trying to rest and spend some time with OH.

Now I would like to tell you that the inducement worked, the birth went smoothy and a had a baby in my arms by the end of the day....but we all know the birth is just not that easy and nothing in my life runs smooth so this is how it really went.

I turned up they examined me, BG hadn't engaged yet. They decided to try a sweep to start with, however I was dilated even a little bit so they couldn't do a sweep so they sent me hime and sai come back next Monday!! As you can imagine I wasn't a happy bunny, I had prepared my self for birth, I was ready to take my baby home.

So we went home and I spent the next week praying I would go into labour but of course I didn't. We went back the following Monday, there had been no change, this time the tried a stretch and sweep (yes thats as paniful as it sounds) and booked for me to be admitted at 8 that evening.

8 o'clock finally came and I was admitted to the maternity ward, where I was then informed that they wouldn't actually start the inducement until the following morning! They wanted me  in over night for observation and I would go down the labour ward at 6am. OH was sent home and I was left all alone and very very scared.

The next morning they woke my at 5am, gave me some breakfast so I could then take me insulin. I went down at 6am and OH joined me on the labour ward. They checked the baby to make sure everything was Ok then the consultant came to see me and did an examination and decided they would use Prostaglandin gel to induce me, I also had to had to have a drip put in with glucose and insulin the control the diabetes. It took 2 midwifes and a doctor to get the needle in and I ended up having in the back of my hand, which was really painful and made it really hard to do anything with my left hand.

The midwife then inserted the prostaglandin gel and I had to lay still for 30 mins and they monitored the baby. I then had to wait 6 hours to see if it started my labour off. It was the longest 6 hours of my life (well so I thought). Me and OH went for a few walks around the hospital, read, listened to music and prayed this worked.

But it didn't, I had a few tightens but nothing. The midwifes had been in and out all day checking me, the baby and my sugar levels and everytime it spiked I was hooked up to the drip. I was supposed to see a doctor again, but the labour ward got super busy and they decided at 8 o'clock they wouldn't try again and they sent me back up to the ward and OH home!

The next day went almost exactly the same, my baby was so not ready to be born! The decision made that afternoon, was to see if I go into labour over night and if nothing happens they will try and break my waters and if that doesn't work then I would have a c-section.

I of course didn't go into labour overnight, so the next morning the consultant did an examination and tried the break my waters. For those that have not had the pleasure of having their waters broken, they using what I can only describe and a long crotche needle and is really not pleasent. That didn't work, so I was booked in for the first c-section of the morning.

My baby girl was born at 9.39am on the 27th November which just happend to be her due date! 11 months and 2 days after we decided to have a baby and 2 years and 20 days after our first date!

We didn't know what we were having so when they said your baby is fine I had to ask them what sex she was! BG was checked over and her and OH went to the labour room while they stitched me up. This should have only taken 30 minutes but I remember thinking "I've been laying here a long time now", next thing I know the anaesthetist tells me that the have to give me more drugs which may make me sick.

My womb wouldn't contract and I was losing a lot of blood, I was told later by a midwife that I had lost about a pint and a half, though they couldn't be certain. Thankfully the drugs worked and I was taken through to meet my daughter.

BG was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, she weighed 9lbs 3 ozs (not as big as they predicted). They bought her over for me to hold and it the was the most amazing moment of my life. They helped me put her to my breast and she feed, they then took me up to the maternity ward and thats were the fun really begain!

As I was typing this I became really angry at the way the birth turned out. My body was not ready to give birth, BG hadn't even engaged and my cervix was closed but the kept trying which then resulted in a c-section, which I hated. I know births rarely go the way you plan and they were thinking of BG's health but I wish I had been stronger I feel the birth was taken out of my hands. The pregnancy and the c-section had a huge impact on my body and I still struggle with a lot of pain.

Last part will be on Thursday...The Baby!

NM X