Feeling Blah

Today is a blah day, I woke up feeling really drained and tired even though I had a good nights sleep. I can never predict when I'm going to feel like this, that's the beauty of depression it just creeps up on you. 


I don't want to do anything. I feel like there is a huge weight pushing down on me and I'm so very tired. 


Normally I would just sleep it off or when I worked keep out of everyone's way but its really hard now BG is a toddler. When she was little I could have a PJ day and we could snuggle of the sofa and shut out the world, but now she wants to do things and be entertained and its a struggle when I feel like this.


Today I have managed to get me and BG dressed and she's having lunch as I type (I try not to blog when she's awake). I'm going to have to find something to entertain her with this afternoon, I really can't face leaving the house. There is only so much TV we can watch. I do miss her nap times, I could do with one myself.


I just need to get through today I shall be good , my blah days often only last a day. 


Sorry for the moan I just need to write about it 


NM X

What A Difference A Year Makes

This post was originally written for Breaking The Silence, a blog for dedicated to speaking up about mental illness. 

When I wrote this I had never written about my depression before and found it really liberating, I found Breaking The Silence a safe haven to write about my illness. I've realised that its good to talk about it and let other know they are not alone. 


I thought I'd share my story here as this is my blog and my story so I give you What A Difference a Year Makes. 

I DIDN'T realise how hard this post was going to be to write when I started it.

I’m not ashamed of suffering with depression but it’s not something I shout about either. I’ve had "blah" days (sometimes weeks or months) for as long as I can remember.

I think they started in my early teens but I can’t really be sure.

I would lock myself away in my room reading or listening to music and hide away from the world, people just thought I was being a typical teenager and left me to it.

As I got older I learnt to cope with my "blah" days and often no-one would notice, they would pass and life would go on. In July 2006 I was on top of the world, I had just finished five years of studying and had been promoted at work.

But just a year later I was signed off work with stress and depression and was taking antidepressants and sleeping pills. What a difference a year makes.

Work had become increasingly more stressful and it was becoming evident I was not experienced enough for the role I had been given, I had asked for support but it wasn’t given.

I was working 14 hours a day and I started to have problems sleeping, I felt completely drained and very very low. The lowest point for me was my 27th birthday,

I had a few days off from work, my other half took me out for a day of shopping and lunch I was miserable the whole day. I felt sick and had a feeling of dread in my stomach, that night I broke down in tears at the thought of having to go back to work the next day.

I rang in sick the next day and they day after and the day after. I went to see the doctor, who said I was suffering with stress related depression and her prescribed me antidepressants and some sleeping tablets.

He also signed me off work for two weeks and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. This was the first time I had ever been to see anyone about my depression and it felt good. I had 10 weeks off and work and to be honest I never returned, my manager’s idea of supporting me was to constantly ring me to see when I was coming back and an over to demote me to a department I had no experience in.

The best thing for me to do was leave. It took some time but eventually the depression lifted and I came off the pills and I haven’t had to take them since.

I still have "blah" days. Me and my daughter stay in and have a p-j day.

My 'other half' understands I have down days and is there to support me when I need it.

I do find it hard to talk about my depression, I hid it from family for ages until I left my job and had to let them know what was going on, they were really supportive and made me feel at ease about what I was going through.

Today is a good day.

Please visit Breaking The Silence to read the other amazing stories.


Thank you Linda for letting me tell my story. 
NM X