tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post4277850973170522857..comments2023-11-03T09:42:15.335+00:00Comments on New Mummy: Becoming My Mother My Deep Dark FearCaroljshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16622996745058583470noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-83287435399784598892010-05-27T14:33:36.756+01:002010-05-27T14:33:36.756+01:00I thought I had commented on this before. I once w...I thought I had commented on this before. I once wrote a blog post about how I feared I was becoming my parents. A lovely kind blogger went out of his way to point out to me that I was never going to turn out like them in the ways I didn't want to because I knew what I didn't want to be like. You won't make the same mistakes either.PippaDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15874707231134755321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-41986854424268626622009-12-03T14:59:52.385+00:002009-12-03T14:59:52.385+00:00i would love to tell you otherwise but i am 52 and...i would love to tell you otherwise but i am 52 and still have such fears of being like my mother, she died as a hobo in a shelter and was lonely and all alone. i hated my mother and guess i still do although i feel the word is very strong and harsh but it's always there. i won't go into detail about all that was done to me by my mother( i often think..what a different lady i would have turned out to be if God had blessed me with a different, loving, nuturing, stable level headed mother) i know it's esay to think " get over it, don't blame your parent, your an adult get on with your life and stop moping about it and feeling sorry for yourself) well i try, i have read books, educated myself and am always trying to do better but this evil demon has such a grip on me that it is scary. the one thing that scares me is they say " what you fear you become) i on the outside have done ok especially looking at the 2 beautiful girls i raise but all the years of wasted energy on second guessing eveything i do ,,, well has taken it's toll.i think it's even scarier now because i am at the age when i remember evetything negitive my mom was doing at the age i am now. i have made so many mistakes in life and i feel these were supported by my low self image and total fear that i lost insight to many things and many years.<br />please, please don't let your fears consume you daily as i have done, think positive and believe in yourself and remember God does not make rubbish or mistakes.<br />much love<br />bUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15785990224196828707noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-82077880198616517652009-11-25T19:39:11.775+00:002009-11-25T19:39:11.775+00:00Wow, what a lot you have been through. An amazing...Wow, what a lot you have been through. An amazing and brave post. Hugs to you.If I Could Escape . . .https://www.blogger.com/profile/13509446801149736674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-60468258648801208612009-11-21T17:58:59.555+00:002009-11-21T17:58:59.555+00:00Notsuchayummymummy - A grew up far too quickly and...Notsuchayummymummy - A grew up far too quickly and will make sure that never happens with BG<br /><br />Insomniac Mummy - Thank you hun x <br /><br />Coding Mamma - You're welcome and thank you xCaroljshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16622996745058583470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-9490356140266316732009-11-19T20:06:41.150+00:002009-11-19T20:06:41.150+00:00Carol, what a hugely difficult thing to have gone ...Carol, what a hugely difficult thing to have gone through. It's very clear that you will never turn out like your mother - you are far too self-aware and caring, for that. Thank you for sharing that with us - a very brave post.Coding Mamma (Tasha)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17374751246656722167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-12880790051287292342009-11-19T13:56:24.643+00:002009-11-19T13:56:24.643+00:00I'm sending ((hugs)). It must have been harder...I'm sending ((hugs)). It must have been harder to write but much much harder to live through.<br /><br />I barely know you, but what I've seem from you online tells me that you are nothing like your mum.<br /><br />It's evident that you are devoted to BG and adore her.<br /><br />((More Hugs))<br /><br />xxxInsomniac Mummyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12061757394358835889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-57795952845644521412009-11-19T11:39:42.408+00:002009-11-19T11:39:42.408+00:00That's an amazing post. You've obviously h...That's an amazing post. You've obviously had to grow up very quickly. Your awareness of what your mum did to you and your siblings will make sure you never end up like her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-5760949209466131162009-11-19T10:20:59.459+00:002009-11-19T10:20:59.459+00:00Liz - Thank you hun, its hard not to think its not...Liz - Thank you hun, its hard not to think its not your fault. I know its not but it still plays with your mind<br /><br />Juiceytots - Thank you, I think the decision not to be like my mother was set at an early age.<br /><br />WADs - Thank you hun that means a lot x<br /><br />Liz - I'm sure she will, she's missing out on two granddaughters<br /><br />Josie - Thanks hun, its funny I forget that not everyone knows about my past and what I've written is only half of it, but what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger x<br /><br />Very Bored Housewife - Thank you x<br /><br />Heather - It was harder then I thought to write x<br /><br />Dotty Finlow - Thank you x <br /><br />Catharine Whitney - Thank you, it was tough x<br /><br />geriatric mummy - I am proud, I'm proud of my brother and sisters too x<br /><br />Victoria - Thank you hun x <br /><br />Amy - Thank you hun x <br /><br />Maternal Tales - wow you had it harcd as well, hugs back to you x<br /><br />Weston super-mum? - Thank you hun x<br /><br />mummy-mania - Thank you x <br /><br />Natalie- I was 28 when BG was born, and that was on purpose I din't want to have a baby too young. I'm sorry you have a tough relationship with your mum x<br /><br />Karen - Thank you and what post?<br /><br />Jo Beaufoix - Thank you hun, it wa hard but I think I needed to write it xCaroljshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16622996745058583470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-21897669565966880332009-11-19T00:02:52.403+00:002009-11-19T00:02:52.403+00:00That must have been so hard to write but like ever...That must have been so hard to write but like everyone else has said, it sounds like you've already broken the cycle and you are not like her. I have issues with my own Mum that have affected me deeply but I still have her so I can't imagine what you've been through. <br />Keep getting lots of hugs from that baby and be very proud of who you are. You will never be like your mother.Jo Beaufoixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957369658590225971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-22376647861768672382009-11-18T22:08:04.849+00:002009-11-18T22:08:04.849+00:00Its clear that you'll never be like your Mum a...Its clear that you'll never be like your Mum as you care too much about your family and put them first. I'm sure your own experiences as a child have helped you realise what you want for your family.<br />I must let you know that a blog you wrote in September inspired me to start blogging. Keep up the good work.Karenhttp://learningmadefun.typepad.com/learning-made-fun/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-63279635051794104762009-11-18T21:31:24.161+00:002009-11-18T21:31:24.161+00:00I commented earlier but my iPhone ate it.... Anywa...I commented earlier but my iPhone ate it.... Anyway... This post spoke to me in a lot of ways. I've shared your fear for a long time and had some of your experience. Your mother has really acted towards you in a hurtful way. It sounds like she was and is very focused on what suits her and probably hasn't grown up in a lot of respects. You're already much further down the road than she is. Even though it no doubt hurts, don't ever blame yourself for what she has done and shame on her for blaming you. Her behaviour reflects on her, *not* you. I don't have the greatest of relationships with my own mum. We didn't speak for a few months (one in a long line of fall outs) and at the moment things are OK. I stopped being afraid I'd be like her when I realised how totally different we are. My mum had me at 19 and I had my kids at 29 onwards. They come at things from a totally different perspective and feel hard done by like their youth has been robbed. You really aren't the same as her - the fact that you're more connected with yourself and can write this is more than she ever could. Keep moving forward and don't get caught up in her drama. Hugs xNataliehttp://www.bambinogoodies.co.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-63803526250190340042009-11-18T20:59:24.461+00:002009-11-18T20:59:24.461+00:00Wow, what an incredible story and brave of you to ...Wow, what an incredible story and brave of you to write it. i'm sure you will not be like her because you have the awareness she obviously never had.... and from what i read you are a great mum. keep being you, and you wont become her...Mummy maniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01155864737963188063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-39877044259147253852009-11-18T20:31:27.822+00:002009-11-18T20:31:27.822+00:00BG is lucky to have you as a Mum. You will never r...BG is lucky to have you as a Mum. You will never repeat this pattern, you are self-aware and on the right path in life. Yeah, you'll have your ups and down but you will put your kids first.<br />Fabulous post xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-30838095502558181172009-11-18T20:29:33.710+00:002009-11-18T20:29:33.710+00:00Oh sweetheart - you poor, poor lamb. I'm so s...Oh sweetheart - you poor, poor lamb. I'm so sorry for you that you've had to go through all of this...but seriously, it's obvious just how much you adore your Baby girl and I know you would always put her first...so that alone means that you are nothing like her. But I understand where you're coming from. If I've ever had an argument with my husband, the only thing he can say that really gets to me is the obvious - 'you're just like your mother'. And although I totally love and care about my Mother and her me, she has had and still does have terrible mental health problems. When I was 6 she was sectioned and taken to hospital and stayed there for quite a long time. Even now she still takes medication on a daily basis and has awful manic episodes which are very hard to handle, so much so that it's very scary to be around her. I am very grateful that there is still a lot of love between us, but when my husband says that I'm just like her, it stings a great deal! Big hugs to you and let's just be thankful that not all of us turn out like our mothers!!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-16075091053185253182009-11-18T18:27:49.709+00:002009-11-18T18:27:49.709+00:00You will never become her i think i would bet good...You will never become her i think i would bet good money against it. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that ((hugs)) xxxxand1moremeans5https://www.blogger.com/profile/05872366593739511282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-4619148243093857972009-11-18T17:14:52.234+00:002009-11-18T17:14:52.234+00:00A very brave post. You can tell from your tweets ...A very brave post. You can tell from your tweets and your blog that you are NOTHING like her. It is possible to break the cycle and you are a very good mum xVictoriahttp://itsasmallworldafterallfamily.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-90095663241014275072009-11-18T17:02:16.273+00:002009-11-18T17:02:16.273+00:00This is the first post of yours I have read and I ...This is the first post of yours I have read and I can already tell that you will never become her. You are self aware, and clear thinking and that will keep you safe. You should be very proud to have survived this toxic upbringing to become a well balanced human being. Sending you much love and happiness xgeriatric mummynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-64387123854658802382009-11-18T16:26:54.752+00:002009-11-18T16:26:54.752+00:00A very brave post. It is clear that it took a lot ...A very brave post. It is clear that it took a lot for you to write it, but be assured that I can see no evidence that you are repeating her lifestyle patterns, and cycles can be broken.<br />Wishing you all the best.Catharine Withenayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06936767499911371984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-4685621338550029862009-11-18T15:30:34.904+00:002009-11-18T15:30:34.904+00:00You amazing, mature, brave woman. You will never b...You amazing, mature, brave woman. You will never become your mother: she has never been any of those things.<br />My mother married my Dad at 17. I was lucky he is such a wonderful man otherwise I would have had to be aborted, as they had to get married because of me. I would always come 2nd in her life, because she chose my father - she didn't choose me. Her latest trick was to withhold the news that my Uncle had died (I learned about on Twitter) because she was in a strop with me (I am 43 she is 60).<br />I have nothing to do with her, either: and like you it is a measured and positive choice to protect ourselves and our own new families.<br />I wish you all the happiness in the world.Dotty Finlowhttp://www.dottymummy.co.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-62042508022553392952009-11-18T15:29:34.942+00:002009-11-18T15:29:34.942+00:00I think the fact that you can look at her life and...I think the fact that you can look at her life and see the mistakes, the hurt and devestation she left behind is a sure sign that you are not, and never will be, like her. It must have been a hard post to write. thank you sharing it with us.Not From Laplandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17165208811776097332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-74197251609625783642009-11-18T15:19:51.423+00:002009-11-18T15:19:51.423+00:00Massive hugs, it's clear to see from your blog...Massive hugs, it's clear to see from your blog and twitter posts that you are not and never will be anything like her.Very Bored in Catalunyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07695203425270299420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-90336863773537528142009-11-18T15:14:52.442+00:002009-11-18T15:14:52.442+00:00Goodness Carol, I had no idea you had been through...Goodness Carol, I had no idea you had been through so much with your family.<br /><br />You are so brave to have survived all this, and to have become such a wonderful mum to BG - you put your own mother to shame with your hard work and your devotion. <br /><br />I haven't your experiences but my dad got involved with someone who sounds likes your mum. Needing to be with someone, but it never being good enough. He was relationship no.3 and she soon got bored and left us all devastated. I miss my step brother and sister so much - her actions (and affair) make it very awkward for us to stay in touch.<br /><br />I found all this hard enough so I can't imagine what you have been through.<br /><br />You are right, it is her loss in the end, but I'm so sad for you that you haven't been able to have the relationship with her that I'm sure you would have wanted.<br /><br />Such a brave post. ((Hugs)) to you xxxJosie @Sleep is for the Weakhttp://sleepisfortheweak.org.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-75799458881772812762009-11-18T14:34:00.848+00:002009-11-18T14:34:00.848+00:00I am so sorry you went through this. Over the year...I am so sorry you went through this. Over the years I've known quite a few people whose mothers chose their boyfriends/partners over their kids. It's incomprehensible to me how anyone could be so cruel. But of course your mum was very young when she had you. What a terrible shame she has missed out on seeing you happy with your family. One day she will look back and realise what she's lost.Liz (LivingwithKids)http://www.kidstart.co.uk/livingwithkidsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-22180093271785529562009-11-18T14:28:16.986+00:002009-11-18T14:28:16.986+00:00Hunny you will never ever be like her, I know you ...Hunny you will never ever be like her, I know you and you are too caring and you and BG will always be close, you have such a bond.<br /><br />I think you are amazing for coming through it all so sane, you are an amazing mother and person (((hugs)))Carlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04078969107059870795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1836424089643954116.post-35294320829441086452009-11-18T14:12:53.515+00:002009-11-18T14:12:53.515+00:00Aw Carol, that's really sad ((hugs)) I am sure...Aw Carol, that's really sad ((hugs)) I am sure you will never become like that as you know how it feels to be on the recieving end of deceit and rejection. You have done so well to make a new life for yourself. Your mum sounds like she just wasn't mature enough to handle her life, its so sad you have been on the recieving end.<br />There are things my parents have done/still do that I make a positive decision not to repeat, nothing like what you have been through, but I think we can all learn from our upbringing and make decisions about how we will parent our own children.<br />Thanks for sharing this, a very honest thought provoking post.Juicytotshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05016646925522387582noreply@blogger.com